Another Dang Short Story

Location: Ray Behrens Corps of Engineers Campground; about 30 minutes west of Hannibal, Missouri

I have changed my plans and reservations so I can back to my homebase in Louisiana on September 2nd. No emergency, just a feeling that I need to get back earlier. I've stayed at this campground before and if you search the name of the campground in the blog it should come up.

The following short story has been bouncing around in my head for a week or so, especially when I'm traveling. The only way I have found to rid myself of it is to type it out. So here it is:        

  

Healing Hearts

They met in the travel section of the local bookstore. It was the only bookstore in Dexter, Nebraska and it was an old-style store with the smell of freshly brewed coffee mixed with the scent of leather from some of the book bindings. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor scanning a travel book as he turned into the aisle. He wasn’t paying attention and tripped over her. Luckily neither was physically hurt but both were very embarrassed. They each apologized repeatedly; he for not paying attention and her for being in the way. Neither could look the other directly in the eye and both were trying to get away from each other as fast as possible. The bookstore clerk, a good-hearted older woman, knew both individually and her heart went out to them for two very opposites reasons. She saw what happened and felt as though fate had just taken a hand in their lives. She had been hoping they would meet each other.

After the two people left separately, the clerk relayed what she knew about the two of them to her co-worker. She said the woman’s name is Denise, but she goes by Deedee. She had been in an emotionally and physically abusive marriage for way too long and prior to that had a very abusive childhood. She had tried to escape from her husband several times during the earlier years of her marriage, but he always found her. He would make promises to change and although she knew they were hollow promises, she would return, it seemed as if she had no other choice. She knew she needed her freedom but couldn’t muster up the courage to officially leave her husband and file for divorce. She was trapped and knew it. She had come to accept her sad married life just as she had previously accepted her abusive childhood. In her mind, for her, this type of life was just inevitable. One day, the finger of fate freed her from her abusive husband when he passed away in a fatal car accident. She was now a widow, and although she had her freedom, she was afraid. Her deceased husband had never allowed her to have any close friends and since she had no family, she found herself truly alone in the world. Her abusive relationship had not prepared her for this type of freedom, so she kept herself closed off to anyone who tried to get close to her. Her life consisted of work, home and the bookstore. The wall she built around herself was tall and strong. She could not trust anyone. The bookstore clerk, had only known her for less than a year, but was probably the person closest to her.

The man, Peter, had an opposite life. Strangely, he was a widower which gave them something in common. His wife of twenty-some odd years had been his true soulmate. They found each other in high school, dated exclusively throughout college then married after graduation. When people saw them together it was as if they were only seeing one person. Each completed the other in every way. They each made up what the other was lacking. Life allowed them to find each other but never rewarded them with children. Although sad, they both came to accept the fact but rejoiced in having each other. Life was good for Peter until the cancer took his wife away very quickly. Just like Deedee, Peter had no close friends because both he and his wife felt that sharing their feelings with someone else was just too close to betrayal. They believed each was enough for each other. Also, like Deedee, he had no living family members either on his side or his deceased wife’s side. He had also built a wall around himself to prevent anyone from getting close to his heart. He just couldn’t risk going through the pain of losing someone again. Their walls were almost identical in that they closed themselves off from giving and receiving love.

The bookstore clerk knew in her heart that she needed to do something to bring these two lost souls together. She believed they needed each other to help each other heal. She knew both were interested in travel because that was the only section of the bookstore they used. Neither had ventured very far from their hometown so the clerk cooked up a simple plan. She started a “Travel Book Club” that would meet once a week in the bookstore. She sent out invitations to both Deedee and Peter. Her sneaky plan worked and both Deedee and Peter showed up for the first meeting. They were curious why they were the only two attendees. Little did they know no one else was invited. Although both faithfully attended the weekly book club meeting, it took a few months before they felt comfortable interacting with each other. Sure, they would talk during the meeting while discussing places they wanted to see but it never got personal. The walls they had built were just too tall and strong. It was during one meeting, Peter asked Deedee if she had done much traveling. Her answer was sad and insightful, “Only in my mind”. He replied, “Same here, but maybe someday I will.”

The bookstore clerk couldn’t wait for Cupid or lightning to strike so she came up with part two of her plan. During one of the weekly meetings, she asked them if they would do her a big favor. Both replied at the same time, using the same word, “certainly”. Wow, two speaking as one?  This only confirmed what the clerk had already known. She told the two about her upcoming retirement and her plans to travel around the country in an RV. Of course, that wasn’t true, but Peter and Deedee didn’t know that. She politely and humbly asked them if they would please do some research and provide her with a list of interesting places to see in the country along with campgrounds to park the RV while exploring an area. She added that a detailed map and preliminary budget would also be very helpful. As an afterthought she asked if they would research and recommend which RV she should buy that would be suitable for her and companion. She strongly emphasized that they needed to work together so that what they came up with would be a balance between both a masculine and feminine point of view since her companion was a male.  At that point they both turned and looked directly into the other’s eyes. It was the first time they really “saw” each other. Before that, they felt like they were invisible and liked that feeling. After two weeks, the clerk asked for a progress report on the plan. Since they had only met once at the last weekly club meeting, they didn’t have much to report. Part three of her plan was then put into effect. It was to ask them if they could speed up their work on the project since her retirement was quickly approaching (another little lie). They agreed to meet more often and after a couple of weeks they found themselves meeting almost daily. In the beginning, they would meet at a coffee shop or in the park. Eventually they began meeting over dinner which each enjoyed more than they would admit. In the future, neither would admit to suggesting that first dinner and would jokingly blame the other. After that they began to spend almost all their available time together with only part of the time working on the project. No, they weren’t falling for each other, but they had learned to be more open, sociable and comfortable with each other. That change only occurred with each other, not other people.  Each of their walls was still high and strong to the public.

After nine months of working on the project, they submitted their completed project to the bookstore clerk. She barely looked at it and part four of her plan began when she said, “Thank you both for such great work but things have changed. I won’t be retiring, at least for several more years. It is a shame that so much work will go to waste.”  Allowing that news to sink in for a minute or so, she quickly and strongly said, “You are both financially secure and eligible for early retirement right now.  Without any family, you’re free to travel as much as you want. The project you put together is for two people so why don’t the two of you put it to good use.” Again in unison, both quickly said, “We’re not a couple”. The clerk summed up the conversation with, “Why can’t friends travel as friends”. It was as if a light bulb went on over each of their heads. Peter and Deedee looked at each other and said, “Yeah, why not”?

Over the last fifteen years and two RV’s, with Deedee as navigator and planner, they had visited and camped in each of the lower 48 states and Alaska. They were living their dream. As they passed through the old hometown they would report in with old bookstore clerk and give her souvenirs of their travels. She began an extensive collection of them in the travel section of the store. She often arranged small get-togethers at the bookstore so they could speak about their latest adventures. There were maps on display in the travel section showing where they had been and where they were going. They were “near-celebrities”. Several times they were asked if they were married, but their reply was always, “Just friends”. The bookstore clerk knew they were more than friends but would never reveal their secret.

In was in their twentieth year of traveling when Deedee began to feel sluggish and lacked energy to explore areas like she had in the past. She also had mysterious pain throughout her body. The doctors diagnosed her with fibromyalgia. While the doctor said the disease was not life threatening and that she had many years ahead of her; she would need to be placed in a nursing facility sometime in the future to deal with the increasing pain and possible memory loss. As usual, they both asked the doctor the same thing at the same time, “When?” The doctor calmly said, “You will know when”. Later that evening while sitting in the RV, Deedee said, “We’ve been traveling for such a long time that the whole country has been our hometown. Like we’ve said over the years, ‘our RV has been a small home but with a big backyard.’ I guess we need to find a stopping spot. But where do we stop?”

So began the search. They weren’t exploring areas like they had been doing over the years. No, instead they were searching for a nice nursing home where Deedee would be happy. They interviewed dozens and dozens of homes over the years after the doctor gave his diagnosis. Deedee’s check list for the home included friendly but qualified nursing staff but it must have a great view. She really didn’t have a preference as to the view. She told Peter she would know it when they found it. Silently, under his breath, Peter said, “if there’s time.”

It was in the third year after they received the bad news from the doctor that Deedee’s pain level had increased to the point where stronger medication was needed. Her memory lapses would come and go. She would change from being able to remember in vivid detail places they had explored years ago and the very next day she had a hard time remembering what state they were currently exploring. One day Deedee told Peter the time had come and she knew exactly where she wanted to settle in for the ‘long goodbye’. Peter wondered where it would be. They had seen so many beautiful, awe-inspiring places over the last couple of decades. Had she chosen the nursing home overlooking the Pacific Ocean so she could see the setting sun or perhaps she favored the Atlantic Ocean to welcome the rising sun each morning. He remembered her fondness of a mountain valley they had once explored. Maybe that would be her choice. She had always said being near water gave her a sense of peace so maybe that home by the lake would be her preferred spot. On the opposite side of the peaceful places were the big cities. When exploring them she had said big cities seemed to give her energy with all their excitement and fast paced movements. So many choices to choose from, but where had she had chosen.

They arrived at the nursing home and Peter carried her suitcases inside. They had already pre-registered in the previous weeks, so it was just a matter of going to her room. Peter unpacked her things and placed them where they belonged. There was only one picture. It was of the two of them with the background blurred so much that you couldn’t tell the place where the picture had been taken. She did that on purpose. She had said it was that way, so when she looked at the picture it would be like a blank canvas, and she could place any of her memories of the places they had explored in the background. She said, “the picture will represent us and everywhere we have been, both at the same time.”

After moving Deedee into the nursing home, Peter told her that he would start looking for him a house to rent and try to find a buyer for the RV. Deedee responded with a firm, “No you will not. I won’t be responsible for you giving up traveling. I have a new list of places for you to see and things to do. You will go to those places, and I will follow you through the blog that we’ve always kept of our travels. You can call me and facetime me now and again. I don’t want you to waste your time or feel obligated to facetime or call me every day. Do it just on those extra special days, when you stumble across an extra special and great “wow” moment. In time between your calls, I’ll just enjoy my view. Don’t do this for me. Instead, please do this for ‘US’.”

And so it was, Peter traveling and Deedee updating her list of places for him to travel to and things for “them” to see. Although at first, he called her about every other day, she finally made him understand that she preferred him to call her every two to three weeks. When he called, she would quiz him about what he had seen since the last call as well as what he had felt when he experienced those “wow” moments. Every call was special to both of them. One day she didn’t answer. On the third day of calling, she finally answered and everything sounded normal. This confused Peter but he passed it off the natural progression of the disease. He figured it was time to return to her to see for himself just how she was doing. It took him almost ten days to get there and during that time, she never answered his calls. Once he arrived, the nursing home staff informed him that she had become non-verbal and unresponsive to human interaction. She just sits on the balcony looking out to what she always referred to as her “perfect view”. When he went to her room and found her on the balcony, she didn’t recognize him and gave him a blank stare. He knew the day would eventually happen, but it still hurt him deep into soul as he tried to get her to quiz him about where he had been. No matter how hard he tried, she would just stare at him. She had become lost within herself.

It wasn’t long after he got back to her that she passed away. It was as if she had held on just long enough for him to return to her even if she didn’t know him. He went to retrieve her meager belongings from the nursing home and while standing on the balcony, he was handed a letter. The nurse told him something he already knew. She said, this was her favorite spot. She would sit here for hours just staring at the view. Just seeing his name on the envelope, he knew it was from her by the flowery script she always used. After staring at the view that she had said was priceless, he opened the letter and it said:

 

My dearest Peter,

As I’m writing you this letter to explain a few things, I’m enjoying my view of the bookstore. I noticed the nursing home on the hill across from the bookstore when we last visited several years ago. That is when I knew where I wanted to spend the last days of my life. The bookstore has been the focal point of my life. It is where we found each other and where we planned our future although at the time we didn’t know it. It was a wonderful life, and we’ve saw so many things. Things I could have only dreamed about in my mind had we not found each other. You never talked much about your deceased wife even though I could always tell you were still very much in love with her. I never tried to take her place. It was the same way with me. I rarely talked about my abusive past. We each sort of made an unspoken pact to live for the present and try not to let the past affect us too much. Over the years, you have always asked me if I loved you and if I felt your love. I would never respond directly. I will answer you directly now. Because of my past, I don’t think I was capable of loving or being loved but you gave me something above and beyond love. From the time I asked you on that first dinner date, (yeah, I asked you) until my last breath, you made me feel safe and I was unafraid. That was the greatest gift you could have ever given me. Thank you for saving me by sharing your life with me but most of all for making me feel SAFE.

 Love, Deedee   

Ya'll take care of each other. Maybe I'll Cya down the road.